Academic Writing Task 2 #1
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write at least 250 words.
Write about the following topic:
Many governments think economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Answer:

There are different views about what should be the utmost priority of government to paves the way of development. While it is argued that financial advancement is crucial to consider; nonetheless, insignificant number of people contend this notion and think that other aspects are equally imperative in the essence of significance. Both arguments will be discussed following a rational conclusion including my opinion.

Generally, it is paramount to set economic development as a principle for progression of a country. This is because it will enhance job prospects and thus a country will curb poverty. As government will invest more money to domestic industry like agriculture and garments factory, not only will it encourage local entrepreneurs but also international or multinational companies to spend in that country’s economy, which in turn will create more avenues of work for its inhabitants that ultimately boost the succesful buildup of other sectors by spending the additional revenues. Thus,it is evident why government ought to focus on economy.

Having said that, it is also incumbent for a nation to contemplate in other progress indicators is thought by some people. Since all aspects are inextricably linked to each other, it is pressing matter for a state to target it’s infrastructure like education, communication and security if they intend to provide a world class quality of living, which defines country’s extension of development. If a country ensures better education and accessible communication , it will yield more skilled workforce who might get more time to assist in building an comprehensive economy instead of being stagnant in traffic congestion.

To conclude, although it seems momentous to focus on solely economic enforcement ,which is integral part of nation’s finance, I believe that other aspects like standard education and improved communication system will amplify development in total because one sector is not mutually exclusive of others.


Comments/Feedback:

If the number of people is “insignificant” what is the point of examining their viewpoint? TA – it’s very good writing . BUT – where are the “relevant examples” & how do you reach your conclusion? Your opinion comes as a sudden surprise to the reader// CC – excellent cohesion. Perhaps carrier nouns would help. Do you think a couple of your sentences are rather long?// LR – there is plenty of collocation and some less common, but appropriate lexis. But I’m not sure what you mean by “standard education ” & I have no idea why you chose to use “stagnant”// G – 5 (possibly 6) article slips so that has to limit the band. “it is also incumbent for a nation to contemplate in other progress indicators is thought by some people”???

So, I’d say:

//TA – 6 ( a bit strict?)

//CC – 8 (very slightly generous?)

//LR – 8

// G – 7

//Overall = 7.0. (a very strong 7.0).

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