Academic Writing Task 2 #5
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write at least 250 words.
Write about the following topic:
In recent years, many small local shops hahve closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping
Is this a positive or a negative development?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Answer:

Many claim that, recently, customers have been shopping at colossal shopping malls, and this has resulted in closure of numerous petty local stores. In my opinion, this transition will be considered as a negative development, because it will drain away the income of many middle-class local storekeepers and make customers pay much more price for the products as well.

Firstly, when such a changeover happens, the renevue of those small stores falls drastically which in turn forces the owners to close the stores and look out for other works.This not only affects the owners and leave the‏ir life unstable without regular income but also pushes out their workers.These workers are then left helpless and they suffer a lot without food and money until they find another reasonable job which is a himalayan task to them.A recent survey shows that 80% of the workers who start their career in small stores as an adult continues to do similar jobs all through their life as they do not have the knowledge, background or exposure to external world. When such a local small store is closed, the life of their workers turns out to be painful as they do not know anything other than that work.

Secondly, the prices at lavish shopping malls are found to be more than the local stores and this would be an additional burden to general public.A recent study about shopping depicts that 78% of the purchases being made in stupendous shopping malls are by upper class people whose income is very high.These people do not find time to go to different local stores for purchases, and hence they find it comfortable to have all their shopping being done in a single place even at the expense of higher costs.But, when the local small shops are closed, the middle class would be forced to shop at malls which would be expensive to them.When this happens, the most affected category will be the poor ones. They have no other go than to beg around the malls for food and survival.

To summarise, this change of shopping from locally-owned small stores to corporate-owned shopping malls is a serious degradation for the country which will result in accumulation of wealth in the hands of rich people and deprivation of basic needs of the poor as per the saying “The rich gets richer and the poor gets poorer”.


Comments/Feedback:

It’s strange to say that people “claim” that ” customers have been shopping at colossal shopping malls”. It is a fact. Can you see how clumsy your opening sentence is? TA – you deal with the question well but neglect the social aspect. And is it true that large shops are more expensive than smaller ones? It would help if you mentioned which country you are writing about// CC – “Firstly/Secondly” is lazy and it’s a surprise that someone with your language skills begins a sentence with “But”. Cohesion is good// LR – is “a himalayan task” ‘Indian English? (“Herculean task” would be perfectly acceptable and evidence of a strong collocation”. Phrases like ” it will drain away the income ” are an excellent example of appropriate idiom. But there are a few odd word choices ( look out for other works. – why “works”?/leave the‏ir life unstable/they find it comfortable stupendous shopping malls/etc)// G – at first glance this seems to be a very high standard apart from “hey have no other go than to beg ” (a slip?), But there are a few article errors, punctuation isn’t faultless throughout and “workers who start their career in small stores as an adult continues to..” is inexcusable. And ” as per the saying ” is definitely ‘Indian English’

So, I’d say:

//TA – 7 (it would help if I knew where you were writing about)

// CC – 7 (the potential for 8+)

// LR – 7 (very close to 8)

// G – 7 (just a few too many simple errors to be 8)

//Overall = 7.0. If you proofread this and weren’t so adventurous with some of your word combinations, 7.5 would be possible.

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