Academic Writing Task 2 #7
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write at least 250 words.
Write about the following topic:
Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and realeasing patriotric emotions in a safe way. To what extent do u agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Answer:

It has been proposed that global sportive events, such as, football and Olympics are quite helpful in normalizing the diplomatic crisis among the nations. Not only that, these events are of vital importance in providing a way to dissipate the emotions, which individuals usually possess for the love of their countries. This essay will provide evidence in support of the afore mentioned concept and the final position will be declared in the conclusion section of this discussion.

Nowadays, it can be witnessed that there is an exponential rise in disputes among various nations, all over the world. There is multitude of underlying factors for this, such as, wars an backlashes over economic gains. The leaders of countries, in order to attain their goals and highlighting their rightfulness of opinions try to manipulate the emotions of the lay man: of their own as well as of the opponent country, by giving speeches with international media coverage. As a consequence of practice like this there is noticeable escalation in civic virtues among the general populations. So everyone wants to do something for for the love and welfare of his country by putting his efforts in.

In order to serve one’s country and to prove his loyalty and support, people need a forum. Obviously , not everyone could go on war. So there must be some right way without any catastrophic results. Therefore, sportive festivals provides a great opportunity to the patriotic to express there devoted love for their country. Where they can openly express their selves in support and in oppose: for there own and opponent country, respectively. Thus, events such like these are great route to be emotionally honest without any harmful consequence.

After analyzing the above, it can be concluded that sportive occasions are essential for preventing the diplomatic ties of breaking due to international tensions and providing a way out to the bottled up emotions to be released. It is for these reasons, I completely agree with the statement provided.


Comments/Feedback:

“Sportive”?? “The diplomatic crisis” Which one are you referring to? “Concept”? Keep the introduction simple. It creates a very bad impression. TA – is there an increase in disputes? The world has always been is a mess. I simply don’t believe what you say in para 2 and you don’t give an example to support your stance. No example in para 3 either even though “relevant examples” are a requirement in TA.// CC – There is a sense of development & evidence of cohesion. Do you need to use “So”?// LR – some of the word choice isn’t particularly “natural” but there is plenty of strong collocation. The introduction comes close to costing you a band// G – ” sportive festivals provides “, “without any harmful consequence.” & ” a way out to the bottled up emotions ” prevent 9.

So, I’d say:

//TA – 6

// CC – 7 (the potential for 8)

// LR – 8

// G – 8

//Overall = 7.0.

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