Academic Writing Task 2 #2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write at least 250 words.
Write about the following topic:

In many countries schools have problems with student behavior.
What do you think are the causes of this ?
What solutions can you suggest?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Answer:

Many educational institutions in the world are suffering from poor behavior of adolescents. There is no doubt that it really exists. There are few factors behind this, and of course, a number of approaches also exist to tackle this situation.

Firstly, unexpected poor behavior of young children in school is due to lack of communication with their parents at home because of their busy schedule thus, most of the time they are engaged with their friends rather than with family. They use to follow either one of them family or gathering at a time, if they are not feeling friendly with their ancestors they will surely adopt their friends ideology instead, which lead them to characterless student. Secondly, social medias effect on their mind, it is increasing day by day and they use their precious time surfing sites like Facebook, Insta, and Twitter. It is known fact that a person who makes interaction with his society is more likely a respectable citizen in comparison with such Internet addicted person. These sites no doubt, make them able to be in touch with their loved ones but also are root problem of their isolation, these sites actually disconnect them from real world thus, they lose moral values of teachers.

Turning to its solutions, first of all, parents should spend time with their children instead of being busy all the time and make a chemistry of friendship along with proper guidance regarding moral values of teachers and make them away from those friends whose ideologies are totally different because parents are considered as first teachers of their children, what they seek under their guidance having friendly bond , will never forget in future. Additionally, there must be time table for using internet so these websites could not affect on their mind. Also, they should have strong communication with their society members physically (face-to-face) which makes them aware of good manners.

In conclusion, worst response of pupils in their schools really exists, but can be controlled by parents cooperation, and making good understanding with neighbors instead of using social sites.


Comments/Feedback:

A simple clear introduction – thank you. TA – you deal with the question but, as with most IELTS topics, there is a deeper level that you do not explore// CC – very uneven You use a lot of basic conjunctions but also include other features of cohesion. However, some of your sentences are so long & convoluted the reader has to work hard to follow the logic// LR – this is also uneven. there are some common collocations like moral values & respectable citizen etc but there are other word combinations that a native speaker would not expect to see used together// G – para 3 is correct but quite simple in the range of grammar patterns you use. But verbs patterns are accurate// I find this difficult to judge as it could go either way but will suggest: TA – 7// CC – 6// LR – 7 just// G – 7 (just)// = 7.0 – but it could easily be 6.5.

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